There is a very popular cake shop near my home. I love that cake very much, and many times I buy cake from there.  Once I went there , and there was not much rush in the shop. A couple of customers were there in shop and I was waiting for my turn.  In the meantime , some more  customers came in and shopkeeper went to attend them, ignoring my turn.

I was expecting shopkeeper to attend customers in queue. I felt very bad and immediately left the shop, and never turned back to that shop again.  What was it ? my it my self-respect or it was my ego ?

Few days back, I went to a party along with my brother. The party was hosted in honor of my brother and I had invitation as nearer and dearer to him . There the host was asking all their guests to have lunch. Even though , I was with my brother, host didn’t asked me anytime to have the lunch.  The host was knowing me, but ignoring me. I felt very insulting and wanted to leave the place immediately. But me leaving like that could hurt my brother as well.  So I just absorbed my insult and stayed  with my brother . I was not even feeling to take a sip of water there, I ate full lunch there.  Just because, I didn’t want to hurt my brother.  But yes, it did hurt  my self-respect/ego.

I believe in God , and used to bow my head when crossing some temple. When I go to temple, I show full respect to god, without asking anything for myslef. In 2004, when everything went out of control from my hand and anybody on earth, I prayed in many temples just like mad and wished for betterment.  Dont know, what God was willing for me, he didnt give what I was asking, but made the thing worse.  After that incident, I didnt stop believing in god .. but I stopped going in any temple .  I stopped bowing head in front of temples.   I started going to temples after few years , as my mother wanted me to go. But some  temples , I still dont step in , where I used to go very regulalrly earlier.  Offcourse,   I dont keep my self above the God . Then what was/is my behaviour  … ego or self-respect ?

I was following up with one of my friend for a party for some collective reasons. Initially, he agreed to give party and asked me to choose venue and date. When I fixed both, he kept on ignoring for some time. I felt like he was treating me like a bagger. I shouted on him very badly.  But understanding that he might be having some reasons for not giving treat and I do care for him,  I apologies for my shouting. After that,  I asked him for few more times for party and he gracefully denied for lack of time.   I never rated party higher than the relation, so I ignored it.

Now , same friend was talking to me about giving party to some other friend. Off course , I can understand, he might be having some reasons to give his friend party and other friend might be more deserving . There is no question of comparison and I didn’t want to compare. But was trying to understand, what message my friend is trying to give me ? he knows that I’m still waiting for that party from him, then why he is talking to me about giving party to other friend ? Whatever message he wanted to give,  … it did hurt my self-respect .  But since I do care relation more than ego, I will absorb this insult as well, just like I did for my brother.

And now the open question is .. Is it my self-respect or is it my ego ?

There is a very fine hairline difference between self-respect and ego.  And mostly ego gets mixed in Self-respect. Normally, I don’t expect respect from anyone and for anything. But internally, I’m very conscious about my self-respect. And extra  consciousness turns my self-respect in to ego.  So not able to answer myself. Is it my self-respect or is it my ego ?